Words can’t be enough to express my grief. You left on the 11 of March 2013, committed to mother earth 14th march.
Like every human made of flesh and blood I now felt I could have done more, reach out more and find out more about you my dearest late sister. I deeply regret my failings.
There are clear indications that you could have lived longer and merrier. But human errors and carelessness and maybe delayed responses contributed to your irreversible demise and I mourn you.
You were my sister and we were definitely not the best of friends growing up. But I know that all I did was out of love and trying to get the best out of you. I failed woefully because I was not an expert in helping you find your strengths and becoming the best you could be.
Since the day I left home I wondered what I could do to make up for those harsh days and days of long fights.
Everybody is missing you already. You were not perfect, none of us is.
Sometimes I had the feeling I should return home but sometimes I thought I could do it from anywhere in the world. I don’t know how my perpetual presence could have influenced you but I surely know that my permanent absence turned out even more costly because you are gone, too soon-just 39!
We share the same birth month, same mother, same father but our ways are far apart. Our lives were completely different and I cried as often as that crossed my mind. It’s vain because I couldn’t make you to become like me. I failed.
I wish I knew. I wish they had told me earlier. I wish the communication was better because by my nature I would have raised a red flag and seek the solution-like I always do.
I was not there and the silent was deep until it became too late. This was preventable and it hurts because it is irreversible. I weep.
You didn’t fulfill a fifth of the potential locked inside of you. You did not live to become bold despite the youthful beauty I saw when we were growing up. You gave up easily on many things and the system where you survived for 39 years was made for the fittest. I am so sorry my sister.
I can’t take it away from you that you gave it your best shots. We are humans, yet completely different from one another. I cry.
Now, I have almost everything I’d dreamed of while growing up, nothing I ask more. For more than 3 months I saved up a certain sum so that I could send you funds to assist your business. You didn’t wait to make the collection, I was slow to deliver.
I hate that you didn’t enjoy the goodness I could offer from my abundance. I can’t save the world but I could have done much better to save you. I have to think less of myself as I keep crying for you now.
I want you to know that I love you so much and that was why we fought as toddlers and teenagers because I wanted you to grow strong (in mind) like me.
I wanted you to be smarter than I’ve ever been. We fought and quarreled because I knew probably that in that country called Nigeria, you need to be strong and courageous. I tried to let you see the world from my window but I failed and now I cry because of my failures and the circumstances that surround the futility.
I read your short messages on my phone and I saw the guilt I will live with for the rest of my life. I could have done better than I did. I didn’t know you were counting days as I made plans for years to come. I could have done better as I look in retrospect now. I am so sorry and I am sad because you are gone, forever.
You will always be on my mind and I will never forget you for as long as I live my sister Omobonike Ayodele Aderounmu.
May your soul find peace and may you travel safe in transition. I will never see you again, but I loved you deeply like a brother would love a sister.